The recent uproar over Jersey Shore has caused a defense of the great state of New Jersey, one never before seen. People like myself, who hate this state with a burning passion have to shudder when we hear about the TV show, even though, for the most part, it hits the nail right on the head about what some of these coastal cities are like, but inland, it could not be farther from the truth.
This piece is not about Jersey Shore and their stupidity, because if it was, there would be so much profanity that I would lose my professionalism in a heartbeat. Instead, let’s just take a look at television, and how it has changed for the worst over the years:
Television in 1980: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon
Just thirty years ago, we had real humor and entertainment with the likes of Tonight Show host Johnny Carson and his sidekick Ed McMahon. I wish I could travel back in time for just one night to be able to experience what real television was all about. People wore tuxedos to go on the air, and everything was so professional and classy. It will never be like that again, but thank God we have DVD box sets to look at when a show that I will not say the name of takes comes on.
Television in 2010: Snooki and “The Situation”
Hard to imagine that in less than thirty years, we went from pure gold to utter filth. Just look at that slut scantily clad moron and her “protector”. Can you believe that people actually stayed home and had parties when the second season premiered the other night? I caught five minutes of it before turning it off, and what amused me the most was the fact that they had to display subtitles when they were talking. That’s right, people born in America and speaking English, and we still could not understand what they were saying. Just think, the idiots on this show are raking in money by the boatload, just to get drunk and party in front of a camera and cause trouble, while making complete fools of themselves and the entire state of New Jersey. These Guidos are celebrities in the United States, and people all over the world must be laughing at us. Only in America!
Now let’s take a look at what has represented New Jersey over the last two-hundred years, give or take a few:
New Jersey in 1776: William Franklin
When William Franklin was removed from his post as Royal Governor in 1776, along with him went a touch of class in New Jersey politics. He was a great representative of the state, and an honest citizen. Before the American Revolution, you could say that Franklin was the face of New Jersey.
New Jersey in 2010: These Assholes
I guess they’re human, but it’s kind of hard to tell. Whatever species of dust they came from, this is what represents our great little state. Notice the awful fake tans, earrings, blowout haircuts, and the simple fact that they look like they can’t tell their head from their ass. Since last year, this is what America views New Jersey as, and we can’t really blame them because it seems every show involving this state is negative in some way. See: The Sopranos and The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Whenever I get angry at something involving this state or country, I always wonder to myself: what would it have been like today if we stayed loyal to the British?