Each year in Freehold, New Jersey, the Monmouth County Fair is held. This is the biggest fair the county has each year, and draws thousands of people like clockwork to play games, go on the rides, eat junk food, and just have fun. But there is another side to the fair, as Jim Butler, my boss at the hockey camps I coach at, recounts to us below. In a series of updates on Facebook for the five-day duration of the fair, that lasted from July 21-26, Jim tells us some of the funniest and downright weirdest things he witnessed. This is just a small selection of the many observances made. Please enjoy:
-If you get in a golf cart with someone and they immediately almost drive into the trailer in front of you, get out of the cart. The ride isn’t going to get any better.
-I am doomed to have a conversation explaining that chicken on a stick is a kabob every year to some vendor at the fair.
-When watching weather radar you cannot wish a storm in another direction.
-It is an amazing feat for a man to remember both his raincoat and an umbrella. Less impressive when you leave those items in your car.
-The Gravitron can still make small children puke.
-It may be time to replace the last car on the “Dragon Wagon” kiddie roller coaster now that the tail is held on by duct tape.
-I have become that guy that overhears teenage conversations and sees how they are dressed and shakes his head.
-Not all tattoo ink has been well used.
-No matter how hi-tech the world becomes there are still certain problems that can only be solved with a well placed hammer blow or duct tape.
-After long hours at the Fair I’m going to moderately insult someone at about 8:25pm each night. It seems unavoidable.
-I haven’t lost my touch picking winners in the Pig Races. If only they would finally legalize gambling on them.
-No matter what the weatherman tells you, human beings do not spontaneously combust when the temperature gets near 100 degrees.
-Of all the food choices at the Fair, the Jumbo Turkey leg seems the oddest. I can’t help but think of Vikings when I see someone gnawing at one.
-Watching Scooby Doo on a 40 foot movie screen just makes Shaggy look like an even bigger stoner.
-When someone with gravel teeth sticks their head in your golf cart to chat it’s not professional to recoil in horror. You may have to tell yourself this many times like a mantra.
-Park Rangers in full dress gear including polyester pants, t-shirt, button down shirt, and campaign hat don’t want to hear about how hot I think it feels while wearing my fair t-shirt and shorts.
-A man will spend years restoring a vintage car, spending thousands of dollars, then take two hours to polish the car and display trophies the car has won. He will then sit next to that car as it is being judged in a classic car contest wearing no shirt with suspenders holding up his jean cut-off shorts.
-If the inside of your pockets show when you wear your cut off jean shorts you have cut them too short.
-One kid on a leash is amusing. Twins on matching leashes, that’s just funny.
-Pie eating contests… gross. Humans have opposable thumbs for a reason. We’re not designed to eat that way.
-Girls that can’t walk in heels shouldn’t wear them on dirt roads at the fair.
-The Wicked Witch must have had offspring because each year I see more people that must melt in the rain the way they react to it.
And the best question of the week goes to my coworker, and lightning fast runner, John Sperduto, who asked Jim, “Is $10 enough to buy food?”. I’m sure that generated a good laugh.