This would be hilarious if it wasn’t dealing with a person’s health. Oh whatever, it’s still hilarious.
The franchise goaltender of the New York Islanders, Rick DiPietro, who is five years into his 15-year contract, is injured yet again, this time with an adductor injury. Yes, an adductor injury. What is that, you may be wondering? Well, according to Blueshirt Banter’s Jim Schmiedberg who did a Webster’s Dictionary check to see what this mysterious injury means, he found, “A muscle that draws a body part towards the median line.” In other words, even Webster’s doesn’t know what the hell it is.
After looking at some human anatomy diagrams, this appears to be a fancy way of saying that DiPietro has a pulled groin muscle—just the latest in a string of lower body injuries to Long Island’s marquee man. The Islanders could have at least showed us common courtesy by creating an injury that we all recognize, not by pulling a fancy-schmancy name out of a hat. He has played only two full seasons since inking the NHL’s longest contract ever, and in the last three seasons, including this one, he has played a grand total of 29 games. This proves that egregious, long-term deals are more trouble than they are worth, and never lead to anything but mockery and frustration. At least Lou Lamoriello paid attention to that.
With Dwayne Roloson traded to Tampa Bay last week, DiPietro is now the Islanders top-man again, that is, if he can stay healthy. In regards to the trade, I find it hard to believe that Roloson himself was not injured, because after hearing news of a trade away from that franchise, I would have jumped so high, my head would have smashed through the ceiling.
Speaking of hilarity, this was a screen-shot I took off of the Islanders website three weeks ago. I find it hard to not laugh while reading that description:
And so the saga of Rick DiPietro continues. They should be thankful to the New Jersey Devils, whose play has caused them to be the laughingstock of the league. Oh, who am I kidding, the Islanders are still funnier. I can only hope that the league will step in and put this franchise out of its misery. Kansas City is calling, boys!
I guess Wang’s idea of a lighthouse really is a bad idea. DiPietro would probably hurt himself climbing the stairs in the grand opening ceremony.