I know what you’re thinking: what in the hell can a stuck up, money-hungry, you-know-what possibly have to do with some of the toughest professional athletes in the world? Well, allow me to explain. We all know of the world’s latest tragedy and monumental event, one that will have implications on us for years to come; the divorce of reality “star” Kim Kardashian from a man who I do not even know his name, and am too lazy to look up. Wanting to write something funny about her, I drew a blank, because I usually only like to make fun of people who are actually relevant to society. But then I thought, maybe I can tie this into hockey in some way.
After tackling my favorite subject, I crunched the numbers, and figured out that Kardashian’s 72 day marriage equates to 1728 hours. I then added up the penalty minutes totals of the top 40 all-time hockey players in that category, converted it, and came up with roughly 1785 hours, for a total of 74 days. I originally wanted to give you an exact number, but I ended up rounding them—either way, I can confidently say that these 40 NHL tough guys spent more time in the penalty box than Kim Kardashian stayed married. Doesn’t that put things into perspective for you? Isn’t Hollywood great?
Make sure to stayed tuned for tomorrow’s Kardashian-themed stats comparison, where we will take a look at the running times of the films of Sergei Bondarchuk. No, wait, I’m just kidding…or am I? In getting to a filmmaker who more people will recognize, I am pretty sure that Ken Burns’ documentaries lasted long enough to fill their Honeymoon.