Will Someone Please Find Bigfoot so These Asinine Shows Will End?

On Sunday night, I celebrated the New York Giants’ Super Bowl victory by watching Bigfoot: The Definitive Guide, on the History Channel, completely unaware that two nights later, I would be privy to viewing one of the most downright ridiculous shows I have ever seen in my life (and I’ve seen a lot of ’em!), courtesy of the once-respectable (been using that phrase a lot lately) network, Animal Planet. It appears that even though every fact-based channel in television history has launched their own search for one of the world’s most elusive creatures, never finding anything, this channel had to go and make a regular series out of it, broadcasting 10 episodes last year, and is now set to air them all again every Sunday night at 10pm. I wait with baited breath to see if they will be new, because perhaps, they might finally find him (or her)…ah, who am I kidding? They’re going to find absolutely nothing.

That seems to be the M.O of all these shows, leading you on this wild goose chase through the woods at night, with cheesy night-vision effects, and then stopping to gawk at every sound they hear, claiming that even though there are hundreds of other animals in that same forest, it must have been Bigfoot. The most epic of these types of shows has to go to the History Channel for Monsterquest, a program where they would attempt to find a multitude of different fairy tales using the latest technology. In every episode of this show, regardless of creature, they would spend the first 55 minutes selling you their non-existent evidence, only to take the last five to explain why everything they found was either a case of mistaken identity, or, their favorite word, inconclusive, which leaves die-hards with the slight chance that maybe what they found was real, and leaves the rest of us face-palming in our chairs. Perhaps the most miraculous aspect of Monsterquest was that they actually got four seasons (and 50 episodes!) out of it. While the first two were pretty interesting, the last two became very desperate, and actually had me thinking that I could finally get on television by calling them and saying there were giant squirrels roaming around in my backyard at night—perhaps they would have sent a camera crew.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Oh, what was it? Bigfoot! That’s right! The only show to even come remotely close to not looking ridiculous in their quest was In Search Of…, from the 1970’s, hosted by Leonard Nimoy. They used scientific methods and reasoning to try to explain the mystery behind Bigfoot, and while they never found anything, at least they did not send idiots into the woods screaming and banging sticks on trees. What’s that, you ask? Well, when the high technology of these “experts” fail, they have to resort to man’s primal instincts of looking like a fool for all the world to see. Obviously, because a real Bigfoot has been recorded, we know what it sounds like, so people like this can then scream at the top of their lungs, in an attempt to mimic the giant hairy beast and get it to come out of hiding. There is a warning attached to the video at the link I just posted: I am not responsible if you die laughing. And then there is the other method, and that is knocking trees around with giant sticks. The reason for this? You tell me. Nothing ever happens except a loud echo, which they then use as evidence because they say that it was a creature answering them back.

An intellectually stimulating marathon of Finding Bigfoot last night showed both of those aforementioned items in action, with the screaming literally almost making me choke to death while laughing. I found it hard to believe that these were grown men and women, standing there, looking like idiots. This is nothing new, but perhaps I expected better from Animal Planet. Part of me wants to watch more, just so I will get my comedy fill for the night. The other part of me says, these will just end up being the same predictable garbage as every other attempt: the eyewitnesses who won’t back down from what they saw 40 years ago, repeating ad nauseum, “I know what I saw!”, even though they were probably on acid at the time.

Then there are the grainy pictures, and videos that get blurry at all the right times. It’s been done before, over, and over, and over again, and still, people keep watching, hoping that something will be found. Well, first of all, don’t you think that if this creature, who people have been seeking for thousands of years, was actually found, it would be on the news first, and not a show that was filmed months ago? And do you really think that a show, whose sole purpose is to find Bigfoot, would actually find it, because to do so would be the end of the show? Come on now, you know the answers to these questions. No one will ever find anything. No footprint or hair sample will ever be proven. I love the paranormal and unexplained as much as anyone, and would love to believe that there is a creature like Bigfoot out there, but it will never be found, and certainly not by people like Cliff Barackman, Jim McCoy, Ranae Holland, and Matt Moneymaker (yes, that is his real name; ironic, no?), the humble hosts of Finding Bigfoot.

At least the people have spoken: this show currently holds a 2.9 rating on IMDB (not quite low enough if you ask me) as well as a message board filled with “WTF” comments. The only thing that worries me is that the 193 users who voted to account for the rating might actually be in the minority.


10 thoughts on “Will Someone Please Find Bigfoot so These Asinine Shows Will End?

  1. Chuck

    When I was a kid during the early 1980s, I was fascinated by Bigfoot. I thought those pseudo-documentaries that had someone in an ape suit as the creature were real. The “In Search of…” episode was classic.

    I remember one time using my toy binoculars to try to spot Bigfoot when I was heading down…the New Jersey Turnpike! Or was it the Garden State Parkway? (Anyway, I was headed to Great Adventure.) Some parts of the highway were separated by clumps of trees and I thought Bigfoot could be hiding there. That was especially silly, even for a kid. But at least it helped kill the travel time.

  2. John E

    The show needs to be renamed “Never Finding Bigfoot.” The big dumb guy named Bobo is the closest thing to a bigfoot they are ever goin to find. Almost every show, there is a scene where he is standing there staring into the camera, looking dumb, and he says “There’s a squatch in those woods!” GEEZE!

  3. Tim Collins

    Dumbest piece of shit TV out there, it’s almost comical, they couldn’t find their own asses with both hands! I wouldn’t let them look for dog crap in the back yard! Bo-Bo? that poor fool?, he thinks all of this is legit! The bim-bo on the show is useless and I think they other guy is Moneymakers real life boy-friend, (but don’t tell Bo-Bo, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry!) But that Moneymaker guy, he’s just one weird creepy dude! “UFO Hunters” is a very close “turd”, on my list, just hope Bill Byrnes gets that nervous eye twitch looked at or some decent re-hab center stay. And what’s up with that goof Georgiou from “Ancient Aliens”, with the Preparation-H hair jell doo, WHOA! And who don’t believe every “BIDEO” picture from that Mexican guy, Hymie Escalante’s, (the Mexican Rush Limbaugh!) Oh please Hymie, go back to Guadalajara and take all your “BARIFIED BIDEO” tapes witch joo! Along with that prime-time, child abuse show, “Honey Boo-Boo” OMG! And those stomach churning “Kardashian” assholes! At least the Teutels’ from American Chopper knew when it was time to go! Bring back Jessie Ventura, at least he almost makes that crap he did on his “Conspiracy Theory Show” almost sound plausible!

  4. 330

    I couldn’t agree more with the above comments. I also wish they would get rid of those ridiculous cameras they wear. I am not interested in seeing their faces bouncing around. And I must agree, bilbo and bimbo could be left out to find something they might be able achieve. And lastly, squatch??? what the hell is that. Man, can we get some more serious research going on here? I would be refreshing…

  5. Nancy

    I totally agree that this show is a piece of crap!! Im so tired of all these stupid shows!! All the equipment and always the same ending no matter where they go! Big goof knocking on trees, breaking branches…..Omg it hurts to write ABOUT this stupid, dumb, idiotic…….show that Animal Planet has the balls to air!!

  6. Wait guys, it get’s worse, believe it or not! Have you seen the one where they have “proof” that “Mer-maids” and “Mer-Men”, really exist! Even Bo-Bo, from Animal Planet’s, “Finding Big-Foot”, might doubt this one? (But don’t bet on it!) He’d be the first one in line after “Moneymaker” to volunteer to give “Big-Foot” an “enema”, on live TV, if they haven’t already! The only real “Mer-men”, I ever saw was “Ethel Mermen”, singing “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, back in the ’60’s on the old “Ed Sullivan Show”, quite apropos, don’t you think! I can’t wait to star laughing at the new show with Dean Cane, $10 Million Dollar Big-Foot Bounty”? It sounds like an episode from the old “Jackie Gleason Show”, “The Honeymooner’s” or “Duck Dynasty”! Look out “Honey Poo-Poo”!

  7. I don’t know about what anybody else that watches this load of bs thinks, but if they ever provided one grainy photo ( not a pattison relic) that showed some measure of proof of this creature’s existence. I’d probably be mildly interested. But you’ve got these people running around banging on trees with a wooden club baying at the moon in the dead of night. It’s almost like some kind of frat party that’s gotten totally out of control! Please cancel this show!

  8. Alan

    “I wait with baited breath ”
    You mean “bated”, as in “abated”, not “fish bait”.

    And two years later, this idiotic show is still on the air.
    How did “reality TV” get to describe a genre that is totally fake?

  9. Charles D Montgomery

    As an avid hunter, fisherman and all around outdoorsman I was excited that they were making a show about Sasquatch. Until I watched Finding Bigfoot. Being a person that has been fortunate enough to see Sasquatch twice in one lifetime I was expecting to see some real people go hunting for Bigfoot evidence. Instead I got to see disco balls and a bunch of other nonsense. There is a reason why bigfoots leave when people are around. They don’t like humans. I kinda feel the same way to be honest. So when Finding Bigfoot actually starts doing real research instead of a bunch of made for TV bs maybe I will start watching again.
    Anytime you come back to East Tennessee, go to the GSMNP. The evidence is there. You just have to leave all the nonsense at home along with the people. And spend more time than overnight in the back country. Goodluck

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