My Running Commentary During Last Night’s 12.12.12 Concert

Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi team at the 12-12-12 Sandy benefit concert

Last night we witnessed a historic event, the concert of my generation so far. It was amazing to see so many singers and celebrities appearing for free to help relief for the hurricane damage in our area. While I cannot attack any of the performers because they did play for charity, I can still poke fun at them for an underwhelming overall performance. I was excited to see Paul McCartney, and while he sounded good, I did not recognize all but two of his songs. Nirvana was also disappointing and you can flat-out say Kanye West was disgusting. We, in this area, would like to thank all those involved, from the bottom of our hearts, but that does not mean they can escape my watchful eye…er, I mean ear. Below is my running commentary of Facebook statuses (in bold) during the concert, starting from when I put it on after Bruce Springsteen finished:

Hey Roger, stop running around the stage like an idiot and sing the damn song.

  • What was up with Roger Waters’ seemingly five-minute long gallop around the stage fist-pumping after he was first introduced. He looked like a fool, but who cares, right? Well, after a couple of songs he announced, “Would love to chat, but I only have thirty minutes.” Had you not wasted all that time jumping like a rabid hyena you might have been able to take the time to “chat” with us.

I don’t want to make fun of a charity concert too much, but Roger Waters looks terrible and sounds even worse than that!

  • Yeah Roger, I love that you are here, and I love the music you used to put out, but let’s be real here. Simply put, the music was awful. The only times his songs sounded good were when he stopped singing them and handed the mic over to that other guy, and was later joined by Eddie Vedder. Some people wondered why such a famous person like Waters was opening the show instead of closing or playing at the end. The answer is very simple: he needs to be in bed by that time.

If Rod Stewart got castrated with a butter knife while smoking an entire pack of cigarettes in one drag he would sound something like Roger Waters.

  • No explanation needed, but I was pondering at the moment where David Gilmour and Nick Mason were. I know they all hate each other, but I guess they couldn’t bury the hatchet for charity, could they?

Great. We went from someone who can’t sing to someone who REALLY can’t sing.

  • I don’t like Adam Sandler, okay? Not as an actor or comedian. His lyrics for his little “Sandy, screw ya” gimmick were very clever and funny, but he should stick to stand-up, not singing…which truly says a lot.

Note to Brian Williams: might want to hold off on the “swing a dead cat” euphemism during a concert raising money for an event PEOPLE DIED IN.

  • Did you know that Brian Williams, on three separate occasions last night said, “So many celebrities in here  that you can’t swing a dead cat around”? Yes, I laughed and thought it was funny…once (no one ever accused me of being civilized). Not the other two times. Fact is, it was in poor taste and I’m sure the people who lost cats in the hurricane might have been a bit irked by it. Stick to news-casting. You are not funny. #BrookdaleGrad

Did Jon Bon Jovi always look like Ellen Degeneres?

  • I was talking to my friend when he came on, so the sound on my television was low. For a brief second, I really thought Ellen Degeneres was on stage making one of those donation pleas. At least Bon Jovi sounded okay.

Total age so far for all the big name performers is 431 years old. Will probably hit 1000 by the end of the night.

  • Yes, my friend and I really were keeping track of the ages since they were, well…up there. Until Kanye came on, I don’t think anyone was under 50. See the full total at the end.

They should get Elvis for this concert. He’s not alive but neither is Roger Waters.

  • Could the Elvis wax figure at Madame Tussaud’s sing better than Waters? We’ll never know, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to find out!

Clapton sounds great. Only took two hours to get a REAL singer up there.

  • Slowhand was the savior at this point in the concert. While I wish he played “Layla” or more recognizable songs, he sounded and looked great. Come to think of it, I don’t think he’s aged much at all since the 70’s.

“The home video of this concert is going to be called ’12/12/12: So Many Celebrities You Can’t Swing a Dead Cat Around’.”

  • Did you hear him? He said it again! Second time! The credit to this quote actually goes to one of my friends who was making fun of the concert with me for five hours on Facebook. Good times.

I think the Rolling Stones performed at the benefit concert for the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.

  • Seriously, are Mick Jagger and Keith Richards vampires? Gotta hand it to Jagger for still jumping around like he used to, but his best years are way behind him. Same for Richards, who looked dead. Dead. Dead. Like a zombie. Maybe there is a positive to come out of decades of drug use: you’ll live forever.

AMC is broadcasting the concert so you can get your fill for WALKING DEAD in between episodes.

  • Ironic, isn’t it?

This would have been a great concert…in the 1980’s.

  • But it’s not the 1980’s.

I think the stuttering kid in their song “Tommy” could sing better than Roger Daltrey.

  • I loved The Who before last night, but I’ll never look at them the same way again. Roger Daltrey’s singing bordered on screeching and moaning. A twelve year old boy with a deviated septum going through puberty would have hit the notes better than him. And can’t forget Townsend either! He strummed his guitar so hard once that he nearly fell over, and almost fell again towards the end of their last song. I think the SCAT bus outside was their transportation to the arena.

I think Daltrey is high on Aleve.

  • I’d like to think he still does hard drugs, but he’s an old man now. See me. Feel me. Touch me. SHOOT ME.

Kanye wearing a SKIRT? Can this night get any better?

  • Can we get Roger Waters back?

I know I’ve been making fun of the performers all night, and even though most of them were bad, it was still playful. This, however, is just TERRIBLE. Get off the stage.

  • Seriously, Kanye was disgusting. Can’t attack the man for playing for free at a charity event, but the performance, dress, and song selection was atrocious. No way around it. He was the only singer that just did not belong there. Also, I know this wasn’t exactly a “family” concert, but did we really need a song with lyrics saying, “Go ahead girl, get down on your knees”?

Okay guys, you can return from the concession stands now.

  • I’m willing to bet food sales went through the roof while Kanye was up there. Had to do something to kill the time.

I hope there is a rich donor out there giving a thousand dollars for every time Brian Williams has said, “More celebrities than you can swing a dead cat around”.

  • Three times a charm.

Billy Joel sounds great. They must have hid the alcohol.

  • Looked great, sounded great, and looked like he was enjoying himself.

THANK YOU BILLY JOEL FOR SAVING THIS CONCERT!

  • Next to Alicia Keys, he was the best performer thus far. Until…

Best performance of the night so far goes to Chris Martin and Michael Stipe. Classy, brief, and awesome.

  • I didn’t know who either of these guys were when they started, but they were amazing, and get my award for best performance of the night. Sometimes simple is best.

To all the people who waited six hours for a Nirvana “reunion”…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Not a Nirvana fan, so I didn’t care either way, but one song? Two or three would have sufficed, considering they built up David Grohl’s appearance for five hours and before you knew he was on stage, he was gone.

Nearly six hours of watching this concert. Time for sleep!

  • Yes, it was great to finally go to sleep…until I got called to come in and sub at the school four hours later. Oh well, I’ll sleep when I’m dead!

And the total combined age of all the big name performers and celebrities making donation speeches is…2076 years!

5 thoughts on “My Running Commentary During Last Night’s 12.12.12 Concert

  1. Gettysbuff

    Greg, that really was a hilarious read. Probably the funniest sh*t i have read on here EVER. So thanks for brightening my day. My wife and I particularly liked your Rolling Stones and Walking Dead comments.

  2. Tracey

    Great post. I’ll even agree with most of it.

    On McCartney: It was a weak song selection. I wish he’d stop singing Blackbird at every appearance he makes. It’s a good song, but not his best by a long shot. Helter Skelter was a brave song to do live, but I think he made it work. You mentioned only knowing two of his songs; I’m curious to know which two. I do hope this was one. Using his backup singers in I’ve got a feeling was a mistake. If anything, Dave Grohl should have stayed on for one more song and been the other singer.

    Paul hasn’t had a good “new” song since 1997; so the new song he wrote for his wife shouldn’t have been anywhere *near* that set. The songs he did from Wings were just okay. There are a lot of other songs that I would have rather seen him do, though.

    Other thoughts:
    ~I absolutely agree that Clapton was great. Probably one of the more underrated performers.

    ~Keith Richards actually died two months ago but no one has told him yet. Seriously…the drugs might be the only thing preserving him at this point. Jagger looked great. Well, at least as good as he ever looked, for what that’s worth. I don’t know why they only got two songs when Roger Daltry was given thirty minutes to do his strip show and Kanye had what must have been about 6 months to prance around in his miniskirt.

    ~And really, what was Kanye even doing there? He might have actually been less out of place at woodstock. Did you notice how during his set they showed ZERO shots of the reaction from the crowd? During all the other performances they cut to the crowd to show singing alone, dancing, cheering…During his set they showed the backs of people’s heads.

    ~Everything about Billy Joel’s set was perfect.

    ~I love Chris Martin. Could have done without Michael Stipe’s cameo since Chris Martin’s set was so short as it was.

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