“Amish Haunting” is the Most Ridiculously Stupid Paranormal Show I’ve Ever Seen

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And I’ve seen ’em all, or at least a few episodes of every one of these series which happens to blare across my television screen in the late afternoon hours as I try to get some time in on my exercise bike. It was by this chance misfortune that I am able to review Amish Haunting for you, the latest and greatest paranormal-themed show from that treasure trove of goodies that are not good enough to make the Discovery Channel. Yes, the graveyard of sub-par entertainment reality known as Destination America. In order for me to adequately describe Amish Haunting, I would need a thesaurus and a glass—no, a bottle—of Johnnie Walker Red. Especially if I had to watch an episode in its entirety, as the shows slaves away and harps on centuries old traditions of evil within the seemingly peaceful Amish culture, located mainly in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and parts of Ohio. This show, which comes on with a tour-de-force opening credits and disclaimer, giving it the illusion of being something groundbreaking, is a laughable mess that fails to scare, except by how terrifying the acting is. These are the ghost stories from within the Amish community, we are told. The ones you would not hear while sitting down for a $7.99 country breakfast at Diener’s Buffet in Ronks. The opening credits mention how such chilling tales have always existed, but only now are the Amish ready to tell their story! But wait, there’s more!

Now, I am no expert on the Amish, but as someone who has visited Lancaster nearly every year since I was in the womb, I know pretty much the basics. This show is laden with interviews of “authentic” Amish people, telling their stories of terror, yes, on camera. The first “rule of thumb” when vacationing to Amish country is that it is against their religion to be photographed or appear on camera. It must be done in a way that their faces cannot be seen. They are not even allowed to look in the mirror. So, this series, in which the basis of almost every episode is evil spinning out of control in an Amish household due to them messing with something “modern”, is to have them appear on camera to tell their story! Isn’t that brilliant? No, I have a better idea, the people on camera are not really Amish. But doesn’t that just take away from the “authentic” feel of the show?

The other part of the opening disclaimer is a little line that says something to the effect of, “The identities have been changed to protect these people from retribution within their community”. Well, how in the hell is that possible, considering none of them own televisions? How is anyone in the Amish community going to find out that Sally Lapp spilled the beans on the demon residing in cousin Amos’ toy wooden buggy on Destination America last night?

None of this ever seems to make sense in these episodes, but the producers do not care, especially with one of the interviewees saying, “We cannot discuss the paranormal in our community for fear of being shunned”. Oh, really? So, let’s go on national television instead? The producers tried to make this as authentic as possible. The actors speak high German, meaning not only do I have to trudge my way through the most God-awful fake beards known to man (no doubt purchased on the clearance rack at a seasonal Halloween store), but now I have to stare intently at the screen reading the entire episode just to know what the hell is going on.

To give you an idea of some of the lunacy of these age-old, traditional ghost stories (all set in modern times), they usually start out with a member of the Amish community doing something he or she is not supposed to, such as playing with something modern. The “English”, as we are referred to as by our Amish brethren, are the constant culprit, always enhancing the already prevalent evil that is waiting to capture the Lapps, Yoders, Kings, and every other name you can find on a furniture store or buffet in Lancaster County, and unleash a Satanic supernatural splendor upon their innocent lives.

In one story, an English neighbor gives a doll to a child. That opens the door to demonic infestation, which brings back the spirit of a dead bishop to violently attack the child’s father. Another instance involves an Amish man purchasing a house with electricity, again, causing him to be attacked by demons. If that was not enough, an elderly Amish man visits a faith healer because of his ailing back, and not only does he become possessed by evil and eventually dies, but returns from the grave every year to take vengeance on the community by killing at least one person. Have I lost you yet?

To think that any current and active member of the Amish community would happily allow the filmmakers of this deplorable tabloid trash into their homes to collect stories and to film is ridiculous to say the least. The Amish do not regularly give interviews or help with projects that portray them in a good, peaceful light, much less a series like this, where they are seen as stereotypical, backwards, stupid caricatures of a bygone era.

Anything modern they touch causes demons to wreak havoc on their lives, which is quite perplexing, because the conundrum apparently does not extend to money! Lots and lots of money! You know, that thriving industry known as tourism which fuels their community, where they interact every single freakin’ day of their lives (except Sundays, of course) with us evil “English”? By this show’s logic, both the Amish and us Satan-worshiping modern spewing fountains of sin should all be walking around with heads spinning, eyes rolling, and casting magic spells from our fingertips, striking down and killing all the God-fearing Amish men, women, and children that we lay eyes on.

That is how Amish Haunting makes me feel. This is a total disgrace to the Amish community, both locally in Lancaster, and as a whole. The producers should be ashamed of themselves for thinking that this show is not only scary and entertaining, but authentic. No matter how they spin it, you can easily see right through it all if you look hard enough. Even if the show was good, I am hard-pressed to find a reason for even needing such a series. What happened, was there a shortage of exorcisms for Destination America’s other mounds of refuse like A Haunting, Ghost Stalkers, and Ghost Asylum? How about a need for additional stupidity not fully satisfied by watching Monsters and Mysteries in America, Swamp Monsters, Alaska Monsters, Beasts of the Bayou, Monsters Underground, Boogeymen, and Alien Files? Yes, these are all real shows! Amish Haunting is just another one in the pile that makes me shake my head and ask why. What happened to decent television? We may never know—perhaps it was possessed by a demon and carried off to hell, like almost everything else on this network.

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38 thoughts on ““Amish Haunting” is the Most Ridiculously Stupid Paranormal Show I’ve Ever Seen

    1. john

      Exploited by English. Why don’t people talk about the whites exploiting American indians. The amish are not the only victims. Hell if everyone thinks about it the amish are really English white people.

  1. Chris Evans

    I couldn’t agree more. I caught part of the episode about the half goat child last night. Truly terrible.

    They come up with the silliest ways to use the Amish community on TV shows between this and something like ‘Amish Mafia’.

    Chris

  2. Isabelle

    Thanks. I really like what you wrote. I actualky love good paranormal shows but this one i found to be utter nonsense. Just this afternoon I watched the
    first episode of season 1, about the doll.
    In my opinion this show was truly abominable
    and obnoxious.
    The producers seem to forget that if there is evil in a doll, it doesn’t matter what the owner believes. How come those dolls that have a face don’t harm modern kids but they open the door to evil just because her family believes modern things are evil? What, faced dolls bring evil only to the Amish? So does God discriminate (if you even believe in god)?
    It’s sad that even the “Englisher” who gave the faced doll as a gift, seems to believe that giving an ordinary doll to a child caused evil, just because the kid is Amish and her family believes so? Shouldn’t the truth be universal, no matter what you believe?
    Honestly, if this story were ever true, imagine how a girl feels that her most exciting gift (a real doll) was burned on her birthday? She would be resentful and angry. Once they all say that she is evil or possessed, then the rest of the ignorant fanatics want them scared, gone or killed. In my opinion, this can account for much of what ensues.
    p.s. Amish believe that dolls should have no faces because all are equal in the eyes of god? Then why did “God” make all all different? By the way, we all do have faces!!!!!

  3. C.Zellner

    I stumbled upon this show and could not comprehend if it was a tongue in cheek poke at other ghost-themed productions, thus searched for reviews before watching. I’m really glad I found your blog! Saved me from getting as upset as you and my experience with the Amish is minimal at best. The only thing evil about all this is the pursuit of the almighty dollar at the expense of viewers seeking intelligent entertainment….

  4. Adelaide

    I just caught this show flipping thru channels and I am ashamed to be “English”
    this is the worst exploitation of a peaceful community, I don’t know what’s worse this or Amish “mafia “.

  5. Heather

    Thank you for this. This was exactly how I felt. The entire thing is scripted and fake. Why must they even try to present it as real?

  6. Amish Werewolf in Lancaster

    Amish Haunting is the worst show ever to sliver its way to American Television. Like what
    Is next for the producers, Taliban Paranormal Stories. Just when you think a new low on TV
    is reached some slimeball producers hit another low plateau.

  7. Richard Valet

    Saw one episode by mistake and found it to be the most ridiculous show I ever saw in my life… How can anyone accept to put such crap on TV? But hey, unfortunately I’m sure there are plenty of crazy people that believe it….

  8. Reblogged this on hilarydzamora and commented:
    This is great. Funny and entertaining…I would love to meet the author who is obviously witty as hell just so we could discuss the painful topic of what “they” consider “good television” these days!

  9. Robby

    At least the other shows have other points of view than this crap. Amish Haunting is the dumbest piece of crap I’ve ever seen.

  10. Ouros Ouroboros

    My wife and I watched this show as a comedy. Worked out pretty well for us. Also, as for the Amish people being on camera, I thought the same thing until I noticed it says the stories are based on Amish “oral history”, so I’m guessing all the Amish people are Englishers in disguise.

  11. Margaret Van Buren

    I love a good ghost story, and have even lived in a location where they played! But, good grief! Good thing the Amish do not indulge in TVs. The stupidity of the “English” would certainly try the patience of even these gentle people!

  12. Angie

    Personally I find the show entertaining. It’s utter nonsense and sensational. A boy who gets possessed, kills a pig, and then wears it’s head! It’s ridiculous. Do I think it exploits Amish culture? Yes, yes I do. Do I think it’s peculiar all this super crazy sh*t only seems to happen in the Amish community? Of course! If this happened in the “modern” world we’d hear about it or see it on YouTube. And I caught on that many of the Amish people interviewed did not have their faces covered which seemed odd and contradictory to their culture.

  13. Lincoln Hayes

    There are things that takes place in this world that cannot be explained. One’s faith and God’s grace can defeat evil at every hand……..BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!

  14. Omg- I agree with you 100% I was raised in a very large Amish settlement in Nothern Indiana so I consider myself very well versed in the Amish community. I called BS after the five minutes of the show when I watched it.. And I only did that to see how they would portray the community.. I agree that this is very disrespectful and yet another way to exploit the Amish community.
    There really are stories in Amish folklore but none of them like the ones being told on this show. Entertainment at the sake of the people and they ought to be ashamed.

    You know what is a good show and really respectful is Vanilla Ice Goes Amish.. I started reviewing that one when it came out expecting to end up angry and somewhat offended but I was pleasantly surprised with it..:

  15. keith

    DID YOU HAPPEN TO NOTICE THE SAME AC TORS BEING USED FOR DIFFERENT EPISODES.
    Not to mention a few of the amish women actresses have their eyebrows plucked as well as a few looking like they are wearng a bit of makeup too. The voices are wrong too the amish here were i live (rural lancaster pa)have a noticable accent when speaking english.
    I cant believe i actulaly left this show on my tv for multiple episdes!

  16. UrbanRube

    Agree with this blogger as well as so many people here. My background is Mennonite, although my dad’s community wasn’t one of the ones that’s close to the Amish culture… much more modern, just sort of very personally conservative, very religious farmers. Anyway, you mention some of the actors speaking high German, which, of course, is not what Amish people speak. They speak a weird mix of English and a low German from Switzerland and Alsace-Lorraine, while my older relatives spoke what we call Plautdietsch, a low German dialect from Holland and northern Germany. None of these groups EVER spoke high German, except back in the old country when speaking to official government representatives or something. The Amish aren’t perfect, just people with struggles of their own, and it sickens me to see them exploited this way.

  17. I know you posted this blog a couple years ago, but I’m watching it for the first time now and just can’t handle how fake it is. It’s very obviously fake, especially if you know anything about the amish. I love paranormal shows, but this and mountain monsters are embarrassing. I can’t stand them. Anyway, your post is so accurate!

      1. Steve--

        It would be nice to find someone who’d be willing to finance an investigation of these stories in order to expose the show.

  18. kristy

    I watch it purely for entertainment. It is fake but still gives me chills. I do believe in the paranormal as I Have had experiences, but this show is just not depicting the Amish correctly at all.

  19. Pixie*

    I watched this show for the first time this evening. I’m saddened to see the producers portrayal of the Amish. They are intelligent, hard working people. This completely twists their culture in such a negative manner.~

  20. Jonathan

    I have looked at the show from a sociological perspective. That is illustrations of Amish folklore (like our campfire stories) to teach Amish children to not be like the English. I assumed they got it from members who have previously left. Like it says, they’re based on Amish oral legends of the supernatural. The show doesn’t claim reality, just that these are legends finally being shared.

    It’s evident that the people in the show are not true Old Order Amish, but the stories like the doll don’t seem far fectched as an attempt to reinforce the culture or get a kid to stop complaining about not getting a doll with a face. I know growing up Pentecostal we were told horror movies invite demons into people’s homes and wreak havoc in their lives, and will even get you possessed.

    As actual events, it’s laughable. As folktales told by parents to kids or from kid to kid and passed on, they aren’t so farfetched.

  21. john

    I live in leola pa. The thought of the amish being hidden and secretive is a joke. They talk and all news spreads rapidly through their community. So they would find out anything. Also the amish do have cell phones and interact with others. My horse is even boarded at an amish farm. So the people who think that the amish community can’t find out anything are very nieve . You know they are mire modern when you see there buggies with radio systems in them blaring g down the road at night and glow lights and accessories that cars would have. So come people wise up the amish would find out about the shows and the content and people in them.

  22. Jeanette

    I just saw this show for the first time. I grew up near Lancaster and live surrounded by Amish farms. I have read books on the Amish and I in my opinion there’s more horse manure in this show than on all the Amish farms I’ve ever seen.

  23. downacountrylane

    I am watching this as a comedy, it is hilarious!. Kid puts on pig head like a mask? – last time I checked pigs do not have hollow heads.

    And BTW, EVERYONE on it are actors – check IMDB for the cast. No real Amish were harmed in the making of this POS.

  24. I found your blog searching for evidence a girl was actually murdered by a taxi driver. After all a girl murdered had to make the news right? NONE. Reading this though tells me what I thought. this “Documentary” is more of a Mockumentary

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